Go Ahead and Play!

"We play because our God is good. Grace is sufficient for us. God wants us to be full of joy, and play is a way to experience the goodness of God and the richness of life." -James Bryan Smith

I agree. During this crazy, stressful, and busy November, I'm reminded to take time to enjoy life.

I'm a big fan of playing. Playing games of all sorts is one of my favorite things to do--board games, card games, video games (especially racing), and word games! I like it all. In fact, when I get the chance, I watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune on TV as a way to relax during dinner after work because I enjoy the game.

I do believe playing is a healthy thing and too often people don't do it. They lose sight of what playing can do for them. It's not about winning or losing, though I do let my competitive streak get out of hand sometimes! Life can be so serious and weigh us down but playing reminds us of the creativity and energy we were created with. Playing allows us to express our excitement. Our excitement for the game, for the energy, for the imagination, and for life ... especially for life! Each moment is special and playing allows us to see the fullness of that moment.

It's too easy to get caught up the past or the future, the regrets and hurts of yesterday and the worries  and unknowns of tomorrow. Though it may not be wise to live life careless, it can't hurt to be a little more carefree! Part of this journey is about finding the balance in enjoying each moment and preparing for the next. Playing helps make the transition a little smoother because it allows for enjoyment of the moment and creates excitement for what could come!

So, I wonder, do the people around me take time to play? If not, go grab a friend and find a new game to try out. Create some new memories!

Rear-View

I have a confession.

I'm a paranoid driver.

I have been rear-ended three times; all within a year and a half.

On the way home  from work the other day, I caught myself looking too much at the rear-view mirror. I noticed I was slowing down when it wasn't necessary and at other times, I was a second delayed in noticing what was happening in front of me.

My First Car Accident

Because of the accidents, I am constantly looking at my rear-view mirror. And I get nervous and anxious at least once almost every time I drive. It doesn't matter if it is a ten minute trip or a three-hour trip. It doesn't even matter if I'm the one driving, although I was driving all three times. A five-minute trip was my worst accident, the most minor accident was a one-hour drive.

It reminds me of how we as people treat our past sometimes. The rear-view mirror is there so we can occasionally glance back and see what is behind us. The mirror is there to help us move forward. It is not there for us to only watch behind us at all times and it is not there for us to completely ignore so that we never look back. It is too small for us to only watch our backs and it wouldn't be there if we were only supposed to focus forward.

Sometimes things happen to us that hurt us and we've been hurt to a point that we feel like we can't move past it or let go. While I don't think we need to ignore the hurt and pain we've experienced, I think we should work through it and realize there is hope. As Christians, we believe in a God of hope and love. I think that God would want us to live a life focusing on the love and hope we have instead of the hurt and pain that can hinder us. Glancing back on the pain and hurt can encourage us to look forward to a journey of growth and love.

Just as driving is a journey from one place to another, our life is a journey and we shouldn't spend too much time looking backwards or we won't get notice where we are at or where we are headed. However, it can be hard. Things can happen to us to cause us to focus more on our past, just like accidents can cause us to focus more on what is behind us.

I pray that on my journey ahead, I will focus on where I am and what is ahead, but not forgetting what is behind me.

Did you know...?

"Did you know...?" is one of my favorite phrases. I love reading and learning things. A lot of friends laugh at me because I seem to know the most random things (but they always seem to want me on their team during trivia games, hmm).

Humans are naturally curious people. We want to know why things work a certain way or what happened to who. When I hear about something that I don't know what it is, or an event that has happened, I immediately want to know about it.

I think it is important to learn new things. The world is in a state of constant change and people are always evolving. I mean, look at technology! By the time one device comes out, a newer, updated version is about to be released. It's almost impossible to keep up.

One of my most visited cites is CNN. I check it about twice day and scroll down to see the headlines and read any that stand out to me. It's fascinating what new research has discovered and to think about how far we've come.

Now some people may think that's too boring and don't have time to read the news, which I think is sad, but the internet makes it so much easier to discover the latest news. For instance, on Twitter, CNN Breaking News instantly updates with the latest news so people can know immediately what has happened and gives the option to read more about it.

In fact, I have even incorporated learning new things into my job with students. In my emails, I include a random fact to make them laugh and give them something new to think about, whether they realize or not! For those who find news articles too long and boring, just googling random facts is entertaining. I have found a Random Fact Generator that provides many fun facts and become great conversation starters!

I encourage those around me to embrace learning. It can be fun!

So, I wonder, do those around me take time to learn new things?

Thankful

What I am EXTREMELY thankful for right now:

I love my brothers.

We love to be silly!

We love each other!

We're goofy and we know it! :) 

I've been missing my brothers lately. As we get older and distance separates us, times together are more cherished as we laugh about the crazy things we used to do and make new memories together. I miss all the fun times we had but I'm thankful for all the times we had together. I am blessed to call each one of these amazing guys my brother.

My Hope as a Friend

I love to laugh. People know that about me. And I usually make them laugh too. And I enjoy that. I'm glad I bring laughter into people's lives. But, while that may the first thing people think about me, I hope it's not the only thing people think about me.

I always hope that I'm a good friend. And maybe it's selfish to think that I am. But my hope is that people do think of me as a good friend. I always hear those quotes about friendship like "A true friend is someone you can call at 3 am in the morning and they will answer." I have to be honest, that one always makes me feel kind of guilty. I can't answer the phone at 3 in the morning. I would if I could! However, I do get what the point of the quote and I hope people see me as a person they can count on.

As a friend, I hope:

• I listen when people need someone to just stop and hear what they are saying.
• I am able to be silent when people just need silence.
• I am able to be positive when someone can only see negative.
• I can be encouraging when others find it hard to do so.
• I am open and real so that people are comfortable.
• I am willing to be uncomfortable (step out of my comfort zone) in order to help others in ways they need it.
• I am willing to share because life is no fun alone.
• I am honest because we all have different perspectives.
• I am supportive and when I am not, that I'm doing it out of love and the best interest of the person, not personal gain.

This is just the beginning of the list of hopes that I have for myself as a friend. And I am not saying I do these things. Being this kind of friend is a journey and one that I take with other people. I can only hope that people see the potential for these in me. Because I know what it's like not to have this kind of friend in moments when you need it most. Or, at least you don't think you have these kinds of friends and you're going through one of the hardest things in your life that you've ever had to go through alone.

I have been blessed lately to have people in my life who I am learning I can call friends, as I learn to open up to them, because it's not easy for me. I'm thankful that they're there beside me and that they call me a friend and allow me to walk with them on their journey.

And so I wonder, who do people around me call a "friend" and how do they define a "friend"?

Age vs. Time

Age and time are funny things. I don't understand either one or how they work together (or against each other).

I am the third child of four. We're all four years apart (by accident, but it makes it easy to remember ages!).

When my baby brother graduated middle school, I graduated high school, and my brother was finishing up college. Talk about good timing, huh? Hahaha...

Anyways, we've all grown up now. My baby brother started college yesterday. The house is empty and my parents are starting a new phase in their lives.

I have been transitioning from college student to working adult...it's still in progress (but I did buy my own tires-I know that sounds silly, but I'm proud of myself for doing that!). And yet, sometimes it's when I'm at work that I feel the youngest I do. Maybe it's because I'm reminded of how much I really don't know? But isn't it possible that as people, we are constantly being reminded of how much we really don't know? (Hmm...I feel another blog post swirling and forming in my brain, but I digress...back to the point!)

Out of all the changes happening, the thing that made me feel the oldest was realizing how old my older brother is turning. How ironic, right? Usually, older people make someone feel younger. Not me! I have no idea why it makes me feel old. It's nothing dramatic. It's not a big birthday like 30 or 50 or anything. It's not a major change, like having a first grandchild in the family. Been there, done that already. I'm an aunt to a fun nephew and cute niece. So why do I feel so old over a simple, regular birthday? And not even my birthday at that?!

Who knows? I don't have an answer. Maybe others around me have experienced this strange phenomena.

So I wonder, have others around me figured out why some things make us feel old and why some things don't?

It's All a Matter of Perspective

It's how you look at things. Really, it is!

I know, I know. The whole "glass half empty, glass half full" thing is very cliché, but so true. I have been reminded of it in many different ways recently, some serious and some not so serious.

It's tough being emotionally invested in people. You do it because you care about that person and because by investing in them, you are saying that you see worth in that person. What you don't always expect is how much investing in others affects you. Even one's approach to relationships are a matter of perspective sometimes.

People are quick to judge those who stay in harmful or negative relationships (friendships, dating, marriages, etc) but you don't really know the motivation for people in relationships. You may think you know, but you do not know unless you are in that yourself. Even people who have experienced hurt and pain do not always understand other people's pains and hurts. In the end, we've all experienced some kind of pain, so we should be more understanding. Some people feel that, because they have experienced deep hurts, others who have not in the same way don't understand those feelings of hurt and pain. The circumstances and causes of the hurt and pain may be different, but the basic feelings of hurt and pain are still there for people to experience. How easy it is to forget other's pain and hurt when all we see is our own! It's too easy (and wrong, if I may say) to judge a book by its cover before knowing the real story. Boy, I'm full of clichés tonight! My point is, you never know what's really going on with someone, even if you think you know.

Personality development and types and all that good stuff fascinate me! I've always been interested in it, especially since I took psychology in high school. Lately, a friend and I have taken to discussing the Myers-Briggs personality types because she is determined to figure out what I am! I'm less interested in what I am personally and more interested in the relationship between the different types. Anyways, that being said, that conversation stemmed from our distinct differences in how we approach things. To her, it's about relationships and the emotional value of things. For me, its more about what's logical, factual, and right and wrong. She doesn't like to use right and wrong language and I'm a rule follower. It creates interesting dynamics between us, especially since we play lots of games together!

I don't like the word "starving." For me, it's not the meaning of the word. It's more about the context and perspective that it is used. If you know me at all, you know that I refer to the "children in Africa" a lot. When people talk about starving or ask me if I'm starving, I automatically say no. I'm not starving. I may be hungry, but I'm not starving, especially compared to the children in Africa. It may seem like a sarcastic response, but it makes me stop and think. I cannot really complain of not having food when there are people all over the world who really are lucky if they have one meal a day. I truly mean it whenever I respond to someone with "well, the children in Africa..." I guess, through my "sarcastic answer in disguise" that I hope it will encourage people to pause and reflect, if even for a second, on their situation and realize how bless we are and that there are others in the world that we can help.

Now, for a post on perspectives, I should give you thoughts on perspectives in different perspectives! Cheesy, I know, but I crack myself up sometimes! :)

So, here's a funny perspective on perspective. A friend's status was "You know you are bowling poorly when your goal is for your score to make it at least to the day's temperature! :-)" My immediate response was "Not if you happen to bowl in a place closer to the sun. Then, you'd actually be quite ambitious is your bowling score. :)" That just shows the difference in perspective! The ultimate goal in bowling is 300. I'm convinced only Zeus or something can reach that. :) Anyways, her perspective was that the temperature is a low number compared to the goal in bowling, so she was doing poorly. Another perspective that she didn't have was that the temperature has been so hot that it reached 3 digits, which is higher than normal, so the goal could be a good one! :)

So, in all walks of life and circumstances, it's all a matter of perspective. It's good to look at things different ways. It's important to remember, though, that not everyone is seeing what you're seeing so maybe you need to try looking through different eyes every once in a while!

So I wonder if people around me see things through emotions and relationships or more right and wrong and logic? What's their perspective?

History Repeats Itself

It's crazy how much can change.

My little brother graduated from high school this past weekend. The same high school that my two older brothers and myself graduated from. 16 years and my family is finally done with high school (and my parents couldn't be more happy!)

As part of the tradition of graduating, our home church has a graduate Sunday where they recognize the recent high school and college graduates. My brother and I were both able to participate. Being home for that weekend brought back a lot of memories. Almost four years ago exactly, I was in the same place that my brother was, graduating high school and getting ready to face the world of college. And now, here I was, four years later, with a college degree and a year of divinity school done. And so much has changed. Four years ago, I don't think that I would have thought that I would have been where I am today. Since four years ago, one of my closest friends is married, another one is getting married in a week, one is a youth minister, and another one is living in New York City. I don't think any of us planned on ending up where we did. But, I don't think we would change it.

Some of us have learned some hard lessons along the way. All of us have had our ups and downs. We've all had moments of joy. All of us are no longer the people we were in high school but we can look back and smile at the memories. Then, we can turn around and look forward to what the future holds right now for us.

So, I wonder, have people around me thought about how much life has changed for them in this season of change?

Moments.

We all have moments: moments of joy, moments of hurt, moments of anger, moments of sadness. Too often we try to pass over the moments.

As people face change, I feel like they need to let themselves be in the moment, whatever that moment may be. If the change brings excitement, be excited and take in that moment of excitement because all too soon the change will become routine and the excitement turns into indifference. And if the moment brings sadness, allow yourself to be sad. I think people feel like it's not okay to be sad or that they should not be sad for that long and they should be able to quickly get over things.

Too often we expect ourselves to be happy all the time and that if we're not "happy," then something is wrong. Life is not about being happy. Part of life is about experiencing things. Sadness and all the other emotions are just a part of life. We shouldn't be afraid to feel the other emotions and should be able to express them. This week, I'm sad. I don't feel like it's wrong for me to be sad or that I should get over it quickly. Things are changing and a major change is happening this week for me.  It's okay for me to be sad. I'm not sad because things are bad but I'm just sad for the things that will be different. I will miss the way things  used to be but I will be open to new traditions. I will cherish the memories that I have and cherish the moments that will come. The sadness will not last forever. There are new moments to look forward to. Someone once told me with all change comes grief. I have found that to be true. So I guess right now part of my sadness is grief over the loss of some traditions and moments. And that's okay.

So for now, this week, I'm sad. But it's okay and I am okay. It's just a part of this journey of life. Things will change and we will change with it.

Moving On vs. Moving Forward

On Sunday night, I was watching Extreme Home Makeover and it was about a family whose teenage daughter died from texting while driving. One of the friends talked about how this new house would help the family move forward. One of the designers responded with, " I like that. Not moving on but moving forward." The family emphasized that they would never forget the daughter but that they need to move past this moment that they were stuck in.  The comment that the designer said really stuck with me. It got me thinking about moving forward vs moving on: what's the difference?

I guess my first instinct is to say, moving on is living life as if "it," whatever "it" may be, never happened and moving forward is acknowledging that "it" happened but not letting life stop there. I wonder, does anyone ever really truly move on? Can you live as if something has never happened? All of our experiences shape us or impact us in someway whether we realize it or not, so is that really moving on or moving forward? And, I have to ask,  is there really a difference between the two? I think there is.

I looked online what people had to say about the differences and I've found an interesting definition. One person describes the difference as moving forward is "bringing my memories with me" and moving on is "leaving my memories behind." I find that interesting because at first I like that difference, but I wonder how do you really leave memories behind? I guess it's not just whether you "leave" the memories or "bring" them with you, but what you do with them. I guess leaving behind memories helps to inspire to create new ones that help one to cherish life and all its precious moments. (I know, I'm getting a little sappy here.) Bringing memories is a reminder not to let the past hold us down but that we can live life and move forward.

When someone experiences something traumatic, they're faced with the choice is dealing with it or not. Now, there may be different ways to do those two different things. Not dealing with it can be disastrous. Dealing it with it in unhealthy ways can also be disastrous. Where does the fine line fall between the two?

I guess one of the hardest things I've learned is to have to learn to deal with a life-changing event on my own, whereas on the outside, the world outside never sees anything different and would never assume that anything has happened. I feel like this happens to many people who face unfortunate events. Their world has been thrown off kilter and they don't know where to look, much less take their next step. They feel like they've lost their voice. How does one continue on when the world they knew is no longer the world they feel like they are in? It's a constant struggle. It's not like it's a one-time thing, where something happens and then you "move on," never to have to deal with it again. There are times of drawing back into the moment of change and then every emotion under the sun comes rushing back over you like a tidal wave. And this can happen within a matter of minutes. Sometimes there's a trigger and sometimes there's not. Moving forward is about working through those moments, knowing you can get through those moments. It's not easy. Moving on says those moments shouldn't happen eventually. One person described moving on as "a change of scenery" and moving forward as "progressing through the same situation." Moving forward is being able to encounter the memories a little bit stronger each time knowing you will be able to make it.

I can only hope for myself and those around me who face heart-wrenching pain, suffering, abuse, and so much more, that they are able to move forward, and for those that can or need to, to move on.

So, I wonder, do those around me think there is a difference between moving on and moving forward? If so, what is the difference to them?

Helen Keller

Helen Keller is one of my favorite people. Ever.

At first, my connection with her started as a joke. Being deaf in one ear and hearing impaired in the other as well as having absolutely terrible eyesight, it became a family joke and joke amongst friends that I was "Helen Keller." In fact, one of my friends only called me Helen and it felt weird when she used my real name, I was so accustomed to hearing "Helen" from her. I always thought Helen Keller was cool because she did learn sign language being deaf and blind.

Well, my fascination began when the friend who calls me Helen gave me her autobiography...that's right, autobiography! Just the fact that she had written her own autobiography impressed me. The book was given to me as a joke but I read it and became enthralled with Helen Keller.

I have learned about many strong women and hard-working women, but I have yet to read one that touched me in a way like Helen Keller's did. We all have our own battles to fight but she fought to levels that most of us would never dare to even dream about if we had been in her situation. Most people would just say it is an accomplishment to learn a language not being able to hear or see. Not only did Helen learn sign language, she learned to speak English, against all possible odds. How is that possible, some people ask. She learned by feeling vocal cords. Crazy, right?! But, it didn't stop there. She went on to go to school. It must have been hard enough to get a high school diploma right? Nope, she didn't stop there either. Helen Keller got a college degree. This may seem like a simple statement, but for some reason it just amazes me that she was able to do that. It took hard work and effort on her part. It was not like she was just given the degree. She worked for it and earned it, just like everyone else. She did not let her circumstances limit her. She didn't set goals based on her obstacles. She set her sight (pardon the pun) on the vision (haha, again, pardon the pun) she set for herself and never aimed for less.  How often do we let our circumstances dictate our vision? Maybe we should pay more attention to Helen Keller and let our vision dictate our circumstances?

I wonder who the people around me are inspired by and why they are inspired by that person. What was the defining moment of that person being your inspiration?

I'll leave you with some of Helen Keller's words and maybe they'll speak to you as you read them with your sense of sight that you are blessed to have.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

"When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."

Forgive and Forget is Not It.

Everyone has someone in their life they love but if they're with them more than 10 minutes, they think they may go crazy. These people seem to push our  buttons or get on our nerves and sometimes we're not even sure how or why.

Over the years, I've learned that those people don't get to me as much as other people. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I seem to have a higher tolerance for those who annoy people. I don't know why. I have come to love those people in my life and have gotten to know some of them very well. While I have discovered this "high-tolerance" of mine, I've also come to learn something else. Once people cross the line, I have a tendency to keep them there. And when I say cross the line, I mean when they've pushed my buttons too far or have hurt me or crossed me in some way. I don't forgive easily. I tend to not forget what people have done. I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting. I believe in forgiving. It's hard to do, though. I struggle with forgiveness. I know people say forgiveness is more for you than the other person, but still, it's not easy! Especially for a person who holds things in and doesn't want the world to see what's going on! 9 times out of 10, people, especially the person who the emotions are directed toward, will never know what I'm feeling. I realize that it is not always healthy to keep things in. But being the ultra-private person and distrusting person that I am and being hurt too many times, I fall on the side of caution and keep it inside.

I realize I seem to write about a lot of my negative traits, but I'm being honest here. Honest with myself, and whoever happens to be reading this. I believe it is important to know some of the harder things about yourself as well as the positives. Knowing these things allows you to embrace yourself fully and wholly. I'm not there yet. I think that is a lifelong journey people take.

So I wonder, do those around me forgive and forget or tend to hold grudges?

Random Sayings

Have you ever had something come out of your mouth and as soon as you said it, you think, "Where did that come from? Did I really just say that?"

That happens to me a lot. Far more than it probably should.

Examples:

• "I want a pet cow. And when it dies, I can eat it."
• "I feel like I am turning into the boogey man because he is all boogers."
• "The bloodgates have opened!"
• "Pandora is in a middle school dancing mood."
• "You can break your butt having a baby."
• "SHUT THY TRAP YOU STINKING BABY ON THE BRINK OF RAPIDLY DESCENDING INTO THE ETERNAL PIT OF ROT KNOWN AS OLD AGE."

But. Sometimes, I have a good line every now and then. Those are rare times. Like these:

"Sometimes we learn more in the questions we ask than the answers we get."

Many of these statements are comic relief, but I'm amazed at myself sometimes. Well. A lot of times. I know myself best and yet sometimes I wonder will I ever know all there is to know about me? I constantly wonder. I do things sometimes I don't know I did them, or I react in ways I don't understand why I did. And I'm not always sure how to handle it. So I wonder, how do other people respond to themselves when they are faced with something about themselves they don't understand?

Bucket List-Not For Me

I'm not a big fan of a "bucket list." I mean, think about it. It's a list of things that people want to do before they die. By writing this list, they are focusing on what they don't have or what they haven't accomplished in their life. And in reality, how many people are truly able to accomplish everything on their bucket list by the time they die? That may cause some people to feel like they've failed at living a successful life. I don't think anyone should feel like that.

I'm more of the "enjoy life in the moment" kind of person. People often become so focused on the future or past that they ignore what's right in front of them in the present. There are so many opportunities to enjoy life just where people are but they look right over it. I understand there are times when it is needed to look in the past or plan for the future. But, when it comes to experiencing life, why? The moment you have right now is the one you can do something with. Why not enjoy it?

So. I don't have a bucket list. It's more like a "Things That Would Be Cool To Experience If I Should Happen To Get An Opportunity To Experience Them But My Life Will Be Just Fine If I Don't Experience Them List." If I ever made a list, that's more likely what it would be, maybe with a shorter title! But, I most likely won't be making a list. I've got to many things to enjoy right now, like cookie cake sitting beside me!  :)

Do You Know What You Say?

I mean, yes. You know the words that you consciously say when you speak. But, do you really know how much you say? I unknowingly started the beginnings of a social experiment the other day when I casually asked a friend what do I say a lot. I don't know what I was expecting, but I did not expect the answer I got. That got me thinking. If that's what she hears from me, what do other people hear from me? So I decided to ask a few people in my life.

Here are the answers I got:

• "I don't count on Chris!" (quoting a commercial)
• You suck. (in Chinese voice)
• Dun dun duh.
• So.
• Get over it.
• Yes!!!!
• No.
• I've got skills.
• Phuleez
• I don't think so.
• Yummy!
• Chocolate

I don't know if this is scary or funny. I'm going to go with the optomistic, "glass is half full" approach and say funny! And, based on that list, what does that say about me? It makes me wonder how I really portray myself to people. I found this to be an interesting exercise that I stumbled upon. I was entertained by it.  :)

So, ask people what you say a lot. You might be surprised! I know I was.

The World of Writing

Writing is a tricky thing. Especially for me. Words have an unspoken power (haha no pun intended). I have the greatest intention to write. But, when I sit down to do it, I end up sitting and staring at a blank screen. Where did the motivation go? I often wonder if it is the publicity of the internet that sends my motivation to outer space to never be found again? Writing becomes a reflection of me and the awareness that others are going to read changes the rules of the game! The words I write become a window allowing people to look in and no longer are a closed-door keeping people out. As a person who naturally keeps things inside and doesn't share much personal information with people, even those close to me, writing becomes a daunting task that goes against my nature.

This past year has been full of changes, ups and downs and all arounds! I've become more aware of how internal I am. So. I've decided to write. How is this time different from the other failed attempts at writing and blogging? This time I'm writing for myself. It's not about the numbers or joining the trend of blogging or because other people are doing it. I'm writing for an audience of one. Me.

Welcome to the story of me.