SURPRISE!

I LOVE surprises.

Good ones, of course. Big or small. For a special occasion, or no reason! There is nothing like the thrill of being surprised.

How do I know I've got a good guy? He continually surprises me!

This week I had the honor of speaking at FCA at Campbell University. Those of you who know me know that public speaking scares the daylights out of me! I was feeling anxious and nervous beforehand. After I spoke last night, the nerves were still getting to me. I was feeling unsettled because a few people told me I had done well but I was still feeling unsure. This morning, I get a text saying I was incredible and I wasn't sure what inspired that comment so I asked. He responded my sermon from last night and I jokingly said he didn't know what I said. He then tells me that he felt bad about not being there and asked one of our friends to secretly record me so he could listen to it. I thought he was teasing me but he referenced my opening line and I was shocked! I couldn't believe he found a way to be there and support me because he knew what a challenge it was for me as well as doing it in a way that would not make me nervous.

I am one blessed lady, that's for sure!

I think I've got a winner on my hands!

Confessions of a Bride: There WILL be Tears

Life has changed drastically since June 23, 2013. I am now in the process of planning a wedding, trying to finish my last semester in graduate school, as well as figure out where in the world I am going to live come May 3, 2014!

I have embarked on this journey of getting married, and let me tell you, it is a wild ride! I am not one of those girls who played wedding growing up, or had all the details planned out by the time I was 13 years old. In fact, I dreaded getting engaged because I knew it meant I would have to plan a wedding. I don't know about you, but wedding planning is STRESSFUL.

People keep saying it is supposed to be fun and it should not stress you out. Excuse me, but FALSE. Yes, it is an exciting time but it is also nerve-wracking. Not only are you planning a celebration bringing together two different (very different) families, but you are also preparing for the REST of your life with one person. That's a big deal. It's a commitment that is not to be taken lightly. And no matter how well you know each other before you get engaged, being engaged is a learning process.

Here's the thing about being engaged: life still goes on. You still have work, school, family, etc. to deal with on top of trying to plan a wedding! We don't get the luxury of pushing pause on everything else so we can take time to take care of wedding stuff.

Oh, did I mention doing this all long-distance? Yup. Being in a long-distance engagement definitely has its challenges.

One of the challenges is letting the wedding day take over and becoming the focus instead of reminding yourself the point of the wedding is to get married. The foundation of the marriage is more important for the rest of your life than the details of one day. That is something I have struggled to remember. I constantly have to tell myself, "It's not about the wedding, it's about being married." It's easy to say but hard to believe that sometimes. You have to keep repeating that to yourself, even in those moments when it is hard to believe.

I'm not a crier. I don't easily express my emotions. But engagements, weddings, and marriages are emotional times. So, there will be a time when tears will come. They could be happy tears, sad tears, frustrated tears, or many mixed emotions! Let the tears come. They are a part of life and we need to embrace them. They help us to recognize what we are feeling and how we can grow from that.

I have cried at least twice already. I can say I hope there are no more tears, but somehow I have a sneaky feeling that will not be true. And that is okay.

Stay tuned for more confessions of a bride.

Wherever you are, be all there.

It's Over.

It's over.

Those can be long-awaited words or the most dreaded words that a person hears.

It can signify the end of a long semester full of tears and stress, the end of drawn-out labor culminating the birth of a new life, or the end of a hard-fought battle with cancer.

Those words can bring relief or they can bring agony.

We all face those moments of "it's over" in our lives. Those are moments of joy and of sorrow. As I prepare to enter into my last semester of school ever, I am about to leave one season of my life to enter into another. The words "it's over" echo in my mind with disbelief. I cannot believe I am about to reach that point. It is such a bittersweet moment because I have worked hard to get to this point, but I have become invested and a part of this community of learning and faith that I have been a part of since 2007.

The past few days, I have watched another part of the Campbell community experience this. The Campbell baseball team had a record-winning season of 49 wins. It was an impressive feat with the community rallying behind them with full support. However, the Camels lost by 1 run and were overlooked to continue on. For those players who this is their final year at Campbell, what a bittersweet end. They set a record but ended on such negative note. However, I have never seen such positive outlooks and integrity in the response as I have from the players. They have responded with gratitude and thankfulness at being able to be a part of a team full of support and encouragement. They recognize that being a part of a team that is like a family is not about the score at the end of the day. Campbell University baseball team has won something far greater. The team will only grow stronger, and I am excited to see what they do next year.

Watching the response of the baseball team, the University, and the community in support of the team has made me realize how grateful and blessed I feel to be a part of this community. It gives me hope that we as people can work together to have a community where people are supported and encouraged. As Christians, this is something we are called to do. And we need to recognize we will go through different seasons, as individuals and as a community. We need to be thankful for what each season in our life has taught us and realize that we cannot stay in one season. Just as there are four seasons in a year,  there will be many different seasons of our lives. It is up to us to embrace each season and fully live in each one.

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven" -Ecclesiastes 3:1

The Story Lives On

As I encounter different stories, whether reading them or hearing them, I realize more and more that the story lives on. There is power in story-telling. Stories are dynamic and ever-changing.

I recently had two different people tell me how I am part of their stories and how thankful they are for me. I was humbled and it reminded me of the people that are part of my story and how thankful that I am for them.  I do not tell these people enough that they are indeed part of my story and how grateful I am to them for investing in me. There is power in sharing. As these people have shared with me, I want to share with others.

I am thankful for my story and the larger story that I am part of as God is working in my life and others.

Every Beginning Starts With an End

The last chapel service of the Spring semester is always about the graduating seniors. Maybe I have not gone  to the other services in years past or just could not remember them, but for some reason, this year's service was emotional for me. I teared up several times. I don't tear up.

It was challenging because all I could think was that I was next. I am entering into a time of my "lasts" here at Campbell Divinity school. That is a challenging thought for me because this place is my home. I have spent hours sitting in classrooms listening to professors lectures, hours sitting in offices talking with the staff about life, hours studying and spending time with fellow classmates in joy and laughter, or angst over upcoming tests and papers. There is a community of faith and strength that will not be forgotten. But, the journey continues. For new beginnings to happen, something must end. I will be sad to see my time here at Campbell as a student come to an end, but I know that wherever I go next, I can always return home to Campbell Divinity School.

"You can go other places, all right-you can live on the other side of the world, but you can't ever leave home." 

-Sue Monk Kidd

Fishy

There is a miraculous story in John 21 about fishermen catching fish after working all night and catching nothing but after Jesus told them to do it again, they caught so many fish their nets almost break. Here's the thing: they didn't have time to be picky! The nets were so full that the fishermen brought the boat immediately.

The fishermen did not get to pick out what fish they thought would be acceptable or not. They were just supposed to bring the load to shore, to where Jesus was. I was reminded that as Christians, we are not called to clean the fish. We think it is. We think we have the right to pass judgment against people. We fail to realize that we need cleaning too! We are just called to catch and embrace. We are to bring ourselves and others into the presence of God. Jesus is the caretaker, not us.

John 20 reminds me of the call to embrace. We are called to embrace all people and love them with the love that God has shown us. We are to embrace others as we have been embraced. We are to share the warmth that we feel in God's presence. We are to be a light. We need to remember that though we are a light, we are not the source of the light. God is. May we shine like the light that we are called to be and bring others to the source of light so that they may shine as well!

Good Conversation

It's amazing what a good conversation can do. It can change your whole perspective. It can even change your whole life.

One simple conversation can turn a blah day into a great day. It can affirm that you are in the right place at this time in your life.

As a minister and a person, I want to strive to be a listener who is present for each person so that I am able to affirm them. Maybe that one conversation we have can change their perspective.

Lost

I am constantly losing things. I can't help it. I told a friend tonight, "I'm not losing things. They're losing me." While my things may be lost, I do not feel lost. For now. I'm thankful for this season in my life where I know I am right where I am supposed to be. This season will be coming to an end soon, and that scares me. I will probably feel lost. But that's ok. Because I know I will eventually find my place. And I can take comfort in knowing that even though I may feel lost, there is one who will never lose me. The journey is not about where I end up but about where I am right now.

Holy Week

For some reason, this year, I am more aware of the journey into Holy Week than other years past. Maybe because I came back from a spiritual formation retreat where we focused on the resurrection of Lazarus which happens right before Jesus' entry into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. In fact, the Saturday before Palm Sunday is known as Lazarus Saturday. Spending three days looking into this story gave me a whole different perspective into this story.

Mary and Martha write to Jesus, calling Lazarus "the one you love." I thought that was such a powerful statement because so much of our identity is in our name and by what we are called. It made me want to be known as the one Jesus loves. Do I live my life in such a way that reflects the power of having such a strong relationship with Jesus that people identify me as the one whom he loves? Wow.

One of the questions from this week was, "How do you know God loves you?" It is a question that really makes you stop and think. For many people, it was easy for us to see how God loves other people and works in their lives, but they struggle seeing that for themselves. As we begin the journey into Holy Week, just like Jesus began the journey into Jerusalem on a colt, I think we need to prepare to see Jesus' actions this week as acts of love. Holy Week is an emotional week and a time of reflection as we prepare for the journey to the cross and the resurrection three days later. As we reflect and prepare, it is important to keep love at the forefront of everything.

So as I begin my personal journey into Holy Week being more aware, I am focusing on God's love through Jesus through each step this week. It is a humbling reminder of what a powerful and mighty God we serve.

Knowing

It is amazing how much we do not know about people. We can assume things, but often our assumptions are incorrect. That is something I am learning.

It also seems the more I learn about people and their experiences, I learn about myself in that process too.

I have spent time reading one of my professors' books, A Whole New World. It is about experiencing the death of their daughter in a car accident and their journey after that experience. It was a heart-wrenching read which reminded me of that compassion that we should have for all people because we do not always know what people have or are going through. One of my favorite quotes is,

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

How true this is! Some people have very private battles buried so deep inside of them that no one knows and others have public battles that everyone can see they are fighting. No matter what, we should walk side by side and be willing to share the journey with someone as we all fight our battles. Maybe, with love and encouragement, we can know that we are not walking this journey alone.

Jonah

The story of Jonah has made an appearance in my life in several places. I heard it at Elevation Church with  my mom and dad, and then I heard it in Chapel at Campbell Divinity School. I think the story of Jonah is one that I have heard that I tend to ignore and not pay much attention because I have heard it so many times before. It becomes easy to not pay attention to something when we have heard it before and assume we know everything about it. However, I think it deserves a second chance. Much like Jonah himself!

Here is an interesting video with a different perspective on the story of Jonah: 


Elevation Creative: Jonah & The Whale from Elevation Church on Vimeo.

What do you think?

No More Shame!

I have noticed lately that the idea of "shame" is used a lot in songs and worship in churches and other Christian settings. While I understand the intent, I am a little disappointed by that. I do not think that is the best image to project.

We are not perfect people, but Jesus did not come for us to feel ashamed. We are to rejoice in the grace and mercy we have received. We are redeemed. Instead of focusing on what we have done wrong, let's focus on what Jesus has done right! Jesus is not about making us feel guilty. He is about making us feel relieved! God loves us enough to look past our sinful natures and to embrace us. We should be thankful.

I'm not saying we should never feel guilty or sorrow at our wrongdoings. But we should not let it take over us. We need to acknowledge our mistakes and then work to correct it, recognizing that we are not bound by our wrongdoing or our past. We are not labeled by our mistakes. I don't know about you, but that is a relief for me! I've made mistakes but I choose to remember that God loves me despite my imperfections!

Intentions

Sometimes, we can have the best intentions in the world, but things fall through all the time. This blog is a perfect example. I like the idea of blogging. I like making one. Sitting down and writing is therapeutic but for some reason, I have trouble actually committing to do that. I have every intention of doing it, but intention is nothing without commitment and action.

For one of my classes this semester, my goal is to blog twice a week. I have made my intentions clear. Now I am making a commitment and putting it into action. I am writing this as an accountability post. I will work to make time to focus and write. I won't be perfect, but the growing and part of the process is getting back on track, not necessarily staying on track the whole time! Sometimes you learn more in the mistakes than you do in the perfections.

So, hopefully, here's to a renewed beginning and commitment!