Moving On vs. Moving Forward

On Sunday night, I was watching Extreme Home Makeover and it was about a family whose teenage daughter died from texting while driving. One of the friends talked about how this new house would help the family move forward. One of the designers responded with, " I like that. Not moving on but moving forward." The family emphasized that they would never forget the daughter but that they need to move past this moment that they were stuck in.  The comment that the designer said really stuck with me. It got me thinking about moving forward vs moving on: what's the difference?

I guess my first instinct is to say, moving on is living life as if "it," whatever "it" may be, never happened and moving forward is acknowledging that "it" happened but not letting life stop there. I wonder, does anyone ever really truly move on? Can you live as if something has never happened? All of our experiences shape us or impact us in someway whether we realize it or not, so is that really moving on or moving forward? And, I have to ask,  is there really a difference between the two? I think there is.

I looked online what people had to say about the differences and I've found an interesting definition. One person describes the difference as moving forward is "bringing my memories with me" and moving on is "leaving my memories behind." I find that interesting because at first I like that difference, but I wonder how do you really leave memories behind? I guess it's not just whether you "leave" the memories or "bring" them with you, but what you do with them. I guess leaving behind memories helps to inspire to create new ones that help one to cherish life and all its precious moments. (I know, I'm getting a little sappy here.) Bringing memories is a reminder not to let the past hold us down but that we can live life and move forward.

When someone experiences something traumatic, they're faced with the choice is dealing with it or not. Now, there may be different ways to do those two different things. Not dealing with it can be disastrous. Dealing it with it in unhealthy ways can also be disastrous. Where does the fine line fall between the two?

I guess one of the hardest things I've learned is to have to learn to deal with a life-changing event on my own, whereas on the outside, the world outside never sees anything different and would never assume that anything has happened. I feel like this happens to many people who face unfortunate events. Their world has been thrown off kilter and they don't know where to look, much less take their next step. They feel like they've lost their voice. How does one continue on when the world they knew is no longer the world they feel like they are in? It's a constant struggle. It's not like it's a one-time thing, where something happens and then you "move on," never to have to deal with it again. There are times of drawing back into the moment of change and then every emotion under the sun comes rushing back over you like a tidal wave. And this can happen within a matter of minutes. Sometimes there's a trigger and sometimes there's not. Moving forward is about working through those moments, knowing you can get through those moments. It's not easy. Moving on says those moments shouldn't happen eventually. One person described moving on as "a change of scenery" and moving forward as "progressing through the same situation." Moving forward is being able to encounter the memories a little bit stronger each time knowing you will be able to make it.

I can only hope for myself and those around me who face heart-wrenching pain, suffering, abuse, and so much more, that they are able to move forward, and for those that can or need to, to move on.

So, I wonder, do those around me think there is a difference between moving on and moving forward? If so, what is the difference to them?

Helen Keller

Helen Keller is one of my favorite people. Ever.

At first, my connection with her started as a joke. Being deaf in one ear and hearing impaired in the other as well as having absolutely terrible eyesight, it became a family joke and joke amongst friends that I was "Helen Keller." In fact, one of my friends only called me Helen and it felt weird when she used my real name, I was so accustomed to hearing "Helen" from her. I always thought Helen Keller was cool because she did learn sign language being deaf and blind.

Well, my fascination began when the friend who calls me Helen gave me her autobiography...that's right, autobiography! Just the fact that she had written her own autobiography impressed me. The book was given to me as a joke but I read it and became enthralled with Helen Keller.

I have learned about many strong women and hard-working women, but I have yet to read one that touched me in a way like Helen Keller's did. We all have our own battles to fight but she fought to levels that most of us would never dare to even dream about if we had been in her situation. Most people would just say it is an accomplishment to learn a language not being able to hear or see. Not only did Helen learn sign language, she learned to speak English, against all possible odds. How is that possible, some people ask. She learned by feeling vocal cords. Crazy, right?! But, it didn't stop there. She went on to go to school. It must have been hard enough to get a high school diploma right? Nope, she didn't stop there either. Helen Keller got a college degree. This may seem like a simple statement, but for some reason it just amazes me that she was able to do that. It took hard work and effort on her part. It was not like she was just given the degree. She worked for it and earned it, just like everyone else. She did not let her circumstances limit her. She didn't set goals based on her obstacles. She set her sight (pardon the pun) on the vision (haha, again, pardon the pun) she set for herself and never aimed for less.  How often do we let our circumstances dictate our vision? Maybe we should pay more attention to Helen Keller and let our vision dictate our circumstances?

I wonder who the people around me are inspired by and why they are inspired by that person. What was the defining moment of that person being your inspiration?

I'll leave you with some of Helen Keller's words and maybe they'll speak to you as you read them with your sense of sight that you are blessed to have.

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved."

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn whatever state I am in, therein to be content."

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us."

"When we do the best that we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another."

Forgive and Forget is Not It.

Everyone has someone in their life they love but if they're with them more than 10 minutes, they think they may go crazy. These people seem to push our  buttons or get on our nerves and sometimes we're not even sure how or why.

Over the years, I've learned that those people don't get to me as much as other people. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I seem to have a higher tolerance for those who annoy people. I don't know why. I have come to love those people in my life and have gotten to know some of them very well. While I have discovered this "high-tolerance" of mine, I've also come to learn something else. Once people cross the line, I have a tendency to keep them there. And when I say cross the line, I mean when they've pushed my buttons too far or have hurt me or crossed me in some way. I don't forgive easily. I tend to not forget what people have done. I don't believe in forgiving and forgetting. I believe in forgiving. It's hard to do, though. I struggle with forgiveness. I know people say forgiveness is more for you than the other person, but still, it's not easy! Especially for a person who holds things in and doesn't want the world to see what's going on! 9 times out of 10, people, especially the person who the emotions are directed toward, will never know what I'm feeling. I realize that it is not always healthy to keep things in. But being the ultra-private person and distrusting person that I am and being hurt too many times, I fall on the side of caution and keep it inside.

I realize I seem to write about a lot of my negative traits, but I'm being honest here. Honest with myself, and whoever happens to be reading this. I believe it is important to know some of the harder things about yourself as well as the positives. Knowing these things allows you to embrace yourself fully and wholly. I'm not there yet. I think that is a lifelong journey people take.

So I wonder, do those around me forgive and forget or tend to hold grudges?

Random Sayings

Have you ever had something come out of your mouth and as soon as you said it, you think, "Where did that come from? Did I really just say that?"

That happens to me a lot. Far more than it probably should.

Examples:

• "I want a pet cow. And when it dies, I can eat it."
• "I feel like I am turning into the boogey man because he is all boogers."
• "The bloodgates have opened!"
• "Pandora is in a middle school dancing mood."
• "You can break your butt having a baby."
• "SHUT THY TRAP YOU STINKING BABY ON THE BRINK OF RAPIDLY DESCENDING INTO THE ETERNAL PIT OF ROT KNOWN AS OLD AGE."

But. Sometimes, I have a good line every now and then. Those are rare times. Like these:

"Sometimes we learn more in the questions we ask than the answers we get."

Many of these statements are comic relief, but I'm amazed at myself sometimes. Well. A lot of times. I know myself best and yet sometimes I wonder will I ever know all there is to know about me? I constantly wonder. I do things sometimes I don't know I did them, or I react in ways I don't understand why I did. And I'm not always sure how to handle it. So I wonder, how do other people respond to themselves when they are faced with something about themselves they don't understand?