On Sunday night, I was watching Extreme Home Makeover and it was about a family whose teenage daughter died from texting while driving. One of the friends talked about how this new house would help the family move forward. One of the designers responded with, " I like that. Not moving on but moving forward." The family emphasized that they would never forget the daughter but that they need to move past this moment that they were stuck in. The comment that the designer said really stuck with me. It got me thinking about moving forward vs moving on: what's the difference?
I guess my first instinct is to say, moving on is living life as if "it," whatever "it" may be, never happened and moving forward is acknowledging that "it" happened but not letting life stop there. I wonder, does anyone ever really truly move on? Can you live as if something has never happened? All of our experiences shape us or impact us in someway whether we realize it or not, so is that really moving on or moving forward? And, I have to ask, is there really a difference between the two? I think there is.
I looked online what people had to say about the differences and I've found an interesting definition. One person describes the difference as moving forward is "bringing my memories with me" and moving on is "leaving my memories behind." I find that interesting because at first I like that difference, but I wonder how do you really leave memories behind? I guess it's not just whether you "leave" the memories or "bring" them with you, but what you do with them. I guess leaving behind memories helps to inspire to create new ones that help one to cherish life and all its precious moments. (I know, I'm getting a little sappy here.) Bringing memories is a reminder not to let the past hold us down but that we can live life and move forward.
When someone experiences something traumatic, they're faced with the choice is dealing with it or not. Now, there may be different ways to do those two different things. Not dealing with it can be disastrous. Dealing it with it in unhealthy ways can also be disastrous. Where does the fine line fall between the two?
I guess one of the hardest things I've learned is to have to learn to deal with a life-changing event on my own, whereas on the outside, the world outside never sees anything different and would never assume that anything has happened. I feel like this happens to many people who face unfortunate events. Their world has been thrown off kilter and they don't know where to look, much less take their next step. They feel like they've lost their voice. How does one continue on when the world they knew is no longer the world they feel like they are in? It's a constant struggle. It's not like it's a one-time thing, where something happens and then you "move on," never to have to deal with it again. There are times of drawing back into the moment of change and then every emotion under the sun comes rushing back over you like a tidal wave. And this can happen within a matter of minutes. Sometimes there's a trigger and sometimes there's not. Moving forward is about working through those moments, knowing you can get through those moments. It's not easy. Moving on says those moments shouldn't happen eventually. One person described moving on as "a change of scenery" and moving forward as "progressing through the same situation." Moving forward is being able to encounter the memories a little bit stronger each time knowing you will be able to make it.
I can only hope for myself and those around me who face heart-wrenching pain, suffering, abuse, and so much more, that they are able to move forward, and for those that can or need to, to move on.
So, I wonder, do those around me think there is a difference between moving on and moving forward? If so, what is the difference to them?
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